The flight from JHB to Hong Kong was packed, as opposed to the half empty flight on my initial return. I was then placed next to a man with the most horrifying halitosis, which further strengthened my resolve never to drink green tea unless I have bamboo shoots planted under my nails. Unfortunately it wasn’t bad enough to make me pass out entirely which would have negated the need for sleeping tablets. At least I still managed to sleep most of the flight.
This was followed by a 6-hour wait at Hong Kong international. I visited HK on my way through and just didn't have the energy (cash) to go back into the city. So instead I became that person who takes about an entire row of chairs in the departures and falls asleep clutching a bag (and in my case 3 vuvuzelas).
After numerous delays and further flights I got to Fukuoka (a name television is determined to mispronounce despite there only being 5 vowels in Japanese), and eventually my hotel cupboard. Finally after trains and cars and cursing of various luggage items I got home.
My SUPERvisor picked me up from Kitsuki and dropped me at home, but of course not before instilling me with a sense of dread. Her English is exceptional and this includes a grasp of typical English bad news delivery.
SUPERvisor: “About your house…”
ME: “Don't tell me I am going to have to move.”
SUPERvisor: *nervous embarrassed laughter*
Queue rising panic
ME: “The floor has collapsed. It’s full of spiders and mukade. Seriously I am not going to have to
move am I?”
SUPERvisor: “No the weeds in your garden are huge”
Extreme embarrassment followed with visions of needing a machete to make it to the front door.
At least this I had expected. Though apparently the weeds are visible from the road, which is an embarrassment to me but also reflects on the school. In the end the outside was what I have come to expect of shrubbery in Japan in summer. The vines have taken over a bit leading to nasty imagery from that not so classic B horror The Ruins.The house was entered in the usual summer arachnid awareness manner – peering through doors and checking the walls before entering a room. Luckily there were none in sight. Yet. Luckily I had bribed Furiida and Roland to come around with the promise of internet and a live stream of the Athlone towers demoltion, as a cunning plan to have Roland deal with the vicious intruders.
It was only after my SUPERvisor left that I discovered the new indoor low maintenance garden that had developed in my 4 week absence. In the time I had been gone, and again strengthening my Ruins fears, a vine had grown through my floor and up through the tatami. I have enough issues with the insect life without the vegetation moving in too. The real fear is how it managed to get through and there is no WAY in Dante’s 7 levels of hell that I am going to lift up the tatami to explore.
At least there were no spiders. Well not until 1am where the biggest one ever magically appeared in my bathroom as I was about to go to bed. Its body was the size of a 50cent coin, and with legs combined, easily bigger than the palm of my hand. It was hastily dispatched with mukade spray and a broom, though being a bit bigger than usual I had to use a lot more spray. This one was resilient.
Adrenaline was the last thing I needed to combine with fear and insomnia and I ended up getting about 5 hours sleep - 3 of those between 6 and 9am. At least I didn't need to go to school, as I was required in Oita to give a presentation to the newbies.
Then the car wouldn’t start. Again expected but I managed to get it going. It may be well in its late teens but it has the best air-conditioning of any car I have yet to encounter – which is a necessity in 30+ degree heat.
I made it to Oita station to the second to collect Roland, my assistant and tourist of the day. So at least I am coming out of African time. Presentation was fine and there are a lot more new ALTs compared to last year. I then took Roland shopping and showed him some useful, and sometimes unnecessary, shopping spots later heading to the all you can eat and drink welcome party.
Having had no sleep and yet somehow looking like a functioning human, I fully intended to be home by 9 and in bed by 10. However, apparently Karma and Murphy have recently met and waged war on me – as if homesickness wasn't enough.
We hadn’t left the ferris wheel parking arcade when Furiida brings up the topic of the JAS (Japanese AA) curse and how many a young and trusting ALT has fallen victim. Now Buta already had trouble starting up in the morning and the right flicker has magically begun flicking at double the speed of the left. I was tempted to say that she had just cursed Buta to an early demise but thought saying it out loud would cause it to happen.
Apparently Karma and Murphy can read minds.
Buta is currently lying in a coma at the Book Off parking lot. Attempts will be made later today to resuscitate him and possibly take him off life support. While there seems to be some life, the lights just won’t come on.
We honestly had not been in the store 5 minutes, when we emerged from my guide to Japan’s second hand Louis Vuitton and furniture underground. I attempted to engage Buta but only to be met with complete nothingness. The lights on flickered a bit but the engine refused to acknowledge the attempt. We happened to be next to a really friendly Japanese family with 4 (possibly more) kids in their van who attempted to help us although we couldn’t communicate through language.
Buta was thus abandoned to his fate and we began our groot trek to the closest train station. So ladled with shopping and computers we headed up Route (pronounced root) 10 in the hope that the train station wasn’t too far. At this point we looked like complete hobos, as Furiida had removed her shoes due to blister – in a country where slip slops are not worn in public – and carrying our yellow checkas as well as a pillow. At least
We had to stop every couple 100m to check we hadn’t missed the station and each time we were met with polite directions followed by laughter and giggles – we presume at Furiida’s bare feet. In SA no one would have looked twice at us, and then not many people did really. Luckily Beppu is full of foreigners at APU so we just pretended to Amurkans so as not to totally destroy the already fragile South African name.
We had to take 2 trains. The first for 1 station and the second finally got us to Froland’s Japanese apartment. I am still shaky about timetables and Roland did much running to check that we were indeed on the right platforms and that we had the times correct.
I managed to borrow ouma from Froland and finally, after much disaster and eventual exhaustion, managed to get home and into bed. It was in the end a pretty fun adventure, but like most the cleanup is the worst.
Oh and the irony in all this: people keep giving me petrol money.
*facepalm*
UPDATE:
Buta has had a heart transplant and running fine. The indoor vines are doing well - 3 at the last check.
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