My Kitkat snack time pack

Hokkaido Cafe ole with coffee - a gift from one of my English teachers.

 I also discovered some SA products right here in Oita - including Sally Williams. Happy Day!

New Kitkat day!

Hokkaido Cafe Ole

My Q & A

First off I would like to apologise to my large group of fans for not having posted in a while. To be honest not that much has happened of late and considering it is that phase 2 time of year I have been trying my best not to be too negative.

So on a positive note it was a whole 16 degrees this morning!

Though in all honesty the weather has been amazing. Autumn is still clinging on, despite winter’s best efforts. In fact the weather has been reminding me of the Highveld (and when it rains CT) – clear and cold and sunny. Which doesn't help the homesickness but doesn’t make it worse.

So, while I do love Japan and their postal system, I am having a Phase 2 grump and have compiled a list of the top 3 most disappointing things about this country:

   1. The Sushi
   2. The TV
   3. Technology

The above also happen to be the things I get questioned about the most.   So I have decided to make today question answer day.


Q: So do you eat a lot of sushi? I think if I lived in Japan I would eat sushi everyday.
A: No and no, you wouldn’t.

Sushi in Japan is very different from South African sushi. I would kill for a California roll, or even a hint of avo in my nori. The truth is that most sushi in Japan is actually sashimi. South Africans love the fact that they are so cosmopolitan and LOVE  to go out for sushi. The truth is our sushi is American and pretty timid – a tiny slither* of salmon sandwiched in rice (like a 5 year-old at church between two giant tannies) wrapped seaweed and then drowned in soy sauce. Or, of course, the other Saffer favourite of combining it with copious amounts of avocado. Either way there is very little fish. Few so called “sushi-lovers” order up hard-core sashimi. I know a few brave souls that eat sashimi, but then it is almost always salmon or tuna, which, face it, is soft and delicious.

The sashimi that gets placed in front of me usually consists of a variety of unidentifiable fish. Except for the raw octopus, it’s hard not to recognise the red suckers (and even harder to suck up, chew and swallow). I never knew fish could be crunchy. And if you do go to a conveyor belt restaurant, one in every 20 or so bowls is maki of an identifiable nature. In fact 1 in 5 bowls are not identifiable at all.

This is probably the most frequent and annoying question. I also have this annoying habit of being honest in my answer (see above), which is almost always met with looks of disapproval and a slight hint of “do you know how lucky you are?” This almost always come from the same people that would rather commit seppuku with chopsticks, than have to chew their way through raw octopus.

Call me unappreciative if you wish, but I would kill for a fashion sandwich OD-ing in mayonnaise and avo.


Q: Japanese TV is awesome. Do you watch a lot of TV?
A: No it is not and no I don’t. (Again, looks of shame and disappointment).

Japanese TV is not awesome. Takeshi’s castle may be awesome but Japanese TV doesn’t  equal Takeshi’s Castle. It is also over 20 years old and an excellent example of SABC budgetary powers. Besides I much prefer Most Extreme Elimination Challenge – the comedy dubbed version.

So basically:
Japanese TV ≠ crazy game shows
Japanese TV ≠ anime

A friend, who recently arrived in Japan, was subjected to a torturous month where local Japanese  TV was the only available entertainment (well that and a copy of Twilight, which is like a choice between SABC and Mill’s and Boon)

Japanese local free TV is like the SABC, only with fewer international shows. There are slightly more channels showing a variety of variety shows, historical dramas, adverts and lots and lots of talk shows. They also love to show audience reactions - the preference being something to do with food. My friend saw one that involved some female presenter cooking her favourite dish – from purchase, to boiling and finally consumption. The eating it part being the plucking of the eyeball from the head and scooping out the brains with chopsticks. Still feel like sushi? Oishii yo ne!

There is very little anime on TV, and the game shows are not that exciting. And while I would pay for DSTV in South Africa it is not worth getting satellite here when I have ADSL Telkom can only dream of.


Q: Japanese technology must be awesome. I imagine the gadgets are amazing – and cheap.
A. No. Wrong again.

Technology here is something to behold in its disappointment. Yes there is a lot of it, but it is certainly not cheaper. In fact it is more expensive because almost all of the brands on sale are Japanese. Japanese nationalism says you will not buy international products  - especially anything from China. You will certainly not see a Korean or Chinese car on the road. Friends of mine recently bought a Zojirishi rice cooker. Zojirishi is the Merc of rice cookers. They are pretty expensive. Theirs was a third of the normal price because it was Zojirishi made in China and not Zojirishi made in Japan.

My school still uses floppy discs. One of my school computers is running Windows 7 – the rest run on windows Vista. I had to get permission to use the school projectors with my computer in case I transferred a virus to the projector. Most Japanese people don’t have computers at home and many of them still use dial up Internet. I am pretty sure there are yet undiscovered tribes in the forests of Brazil that have faster ADSL.

My same friend order super high speed ADSL when he arrived here only to find that the hardware provided by the company, as part of the package with the super high speed line, wasn’t even properly equipped to handle the full download speed. 

Japan is not a country I would suggest coming to if you want to buy technology.

My other joy in life is not having Internet banking. By the time I got to the point in my life where I had to pay for stuff, internet banking was up and running. I don’t think I have ever paid rent in any other way. Now, once a month, I have to go to the municipality with my rent slip and pay my rent in person. Every time I have to do a bank transfer I need to ask the only broken English speaker at my bank to help me. Paying off my credit card requires a trip to a store in Beppu to do an ATM deposit. This may seem whiny but just imagine what your life would be like if you didn’t use internet banking for rent, electricity, water, cell phone, DSTV subscription, Telkom, internet, car payments, account payments, bank transfers etc – and no cheating by doing everything at Pick ‘n Pay.

So while it was a bit of a gripe about Japan, it is a still an amazing place and only yesterday I had to catch myself and remind myself what an amazing experience it is. I also wanted to put into perspective that the grass is certainly not always greener, in fact there is very little real grass here because if it is not a rice paddy it is dense spider filled forest.

PS If anyone would like to challenge me to a game of “You’re wrong about the sushi”, I’ll meet you at the local rock pool. Bring your own chopsticks.


*No, that was intentional.

My Automobile Adventures

After 30 hours of airports and planes and being dragged onto the airplane to leave SA, the karma drama seems determined to point out that I should have stayed at home in South Africa where I would have been safe.

The flight from JHB to Hong Kong was packed, as opposed to the half empty flight on my initial return. I was then placed next to a man with the most horrifying halitosis, which further strengthened my resolve never to drink green tea unless I have bamboo shoots planted under my nails. Unfortunately it wasn’t bad enough to make me pass out entirely which would have negated the need for sleeping tablets. At least I still managed to sleep most of the flight.

This was followed by a 6-hour wait at Hong Kong international. I visited HK on my way through and just didn't have the energy (cash) to go back into the city. So instead I became that person who takes about an entire row of chairs in the departures and falls asleep clutching a bag (and in my case 3 vuvuzelas).

After numerous delays and further flights I got to Fukuoka (a name television is determined to mispronounce despite there only being 5 vowels in Japanese), and eventually my hotel cupboard. Finally after trains and cars and cursing of various luggage items I got home.

My  SUPERvisor picked me up from Kitsuki and dropped me at home, but of course not before instilling me with a sense of dread. Her English is exceptional and this includes a grasp of typical English bad news delivery.

SUPERvisor: “About your house…”

ME: “Don't tell me I am going to have to move.”

SUPERvisor: *nervous embarrassed laughter*

Queue rising panic

ME: “The floor has collapsed. It’s full of spiders and mukade. Seriously I am not going to have to
move am I?”

SUPERvisor: “No the weeds in your garden are huge”

Extreme embarrassment followed with visions of needing a machete to make it to the front door.

At least this I had expected. Though apparently the weeds are visible from the road, which is an embarrassment to me but also reflects on the school. In the end the outside was what I have come to expect of shrubbery in Japan in summer. The vines have taken over a bit leading to nasty imagery from that not so classic B horror The Ruins.

The house was entered in the usual summer arachnid awareness manner – peering through doors and checking the walls before entering a room. Luckily there were none in sight. Yet. Luckily I had bribed Furiida and Roland to come around with the promise of internet and a live stream of the Athlone towers demoltion,  as a cunning plan to have Roland deal with the vicious intruders.

It was only after my SUPERvisor left that I discovered the new indoor low maintenance garden that had developed in my 4 week absence. In the time I had been gone, and again strengthening my Ruins fears, a vine had grown through my floor and up through the tatami. I have enough issues with the insect life without the vegetation moving in too. The real fear is how it managed to get through and there is no WAY in Dante’s 7 levels of hell that I am going to lift up the tatami to explore.

At least there were no spiders. Well not until 1am where the biggest one ever magically appeared in my bathroom as I was about to go to bed. Its body was the size of a 50cent coin, and with legs combined, easily bigger than the palm of my hand. It was hastily dispatched with mukade spray and a broom, though being a bit bigger than usual I had to use a lot more spray. This one was resilient.

Adrenaline was the last thing I needed to combine with fear and insomnia and I ended up getting about 5 hours sleep - 3 of those between 6 and 9am. At least I didn't need to go to school, as I was required in Oita to give a presentation to the newbies.

Then the car wouldn’t start. Again expected but I managed to get it going. It may be well in its late teens but it has the best air-conditioning of any car I have yet to encounter – which is a necessity in 30+ degree heat.

I made it to Oita station to the second to collect Roland, my assistant and tourist of the day. So at least I am coming out of African time. Presentation was fine and there are a lot more new ALTs compared to last year. I then took Roland shopping and showed him some useful, and sometimes unnecessary, shopping spots later heading to the all you can eat and drink welcome party.

Having had no sleep and yet somehow looking like a functioning human, I fully intended to be home by 9 and in bed by 10. However, apparently Karma and Murphy have recently met and waged war on me – as if homesickness wasn't enough.

We hadn’t left the ferris wheel parking arcade when Furiida brings up the topic of the JAS (Japanese AA) curse and how many a young and trusting ALT has fallen victim. Now Buta already had trouble starting up in the morning and the right flicker has magically begun flicking at double the speed of the left. I was tempted to say that she had just cursed Buta to an early demise but thought saying it out loud would cause it to happen.

Apparently Karma and Murphy can read minds.

Buta is currently lying in a coma at the Book Off parking lot. Attempts will be made later today to resuscitate him and possibly take him off life support. While there seems to be some life, the lights just won’t come on.

We honestly had not been in the store 5 minutes, when we emerged from my guide to Japan’s second hand Louis Vuitton and furniture underground. I attempted to engage Buta but only to be met with complete nothingness. The lights on flickered a bit but the engine refused to acknowledge the attempt. We happened to be next to a really friendly Japanese family with 4 (possibly more) kids in their van who attempted to help us although we couldn’t communicate through language.

Buta was thus abandoned to his fate and we began our groot trek to the closest train station. So ladled with shopping and computers we headed up Route (pronounced root) 10 in the hope that the train station wasn’t too far. At this point we looked like complete hobos, as Furiida had removed her shoes due to blister – in a country where slip slops are not worn in public – and carrying our yellow checkas as well as a pillow. At least

We had to stop every couple 100m to check we hadn’t missed the station and each time we were met with polite directions followed by laughter and giggles – we presume at Furiida’s bare feet. In SA no one would have looked twice at us, and then not many people did really. Luckily Beppu is full of foreigners at APU so we just pretended to Amurkans so as not to totally destroy the already fragile South African name.

We had to take 2 trains. The first for 1 station and the second finally got us to Froland’s Japanese apartment. I am still shaky about timetables and Roland did much running to check that we were indeed on the right platforms and that we had the times correct.

I managed to borrow ouma from Froland and finally, after much disaster and eventual exhaustion, managed to get home and into bed. It was in the end a pretty fun adventure, but like most the cleanup is the worst.

Oh and the irony in all this: people keep giving me petrol money.

*facepalm*

UPDATE:
Buta has had a heart transplant and running fine. The indoor vines are doing well - 3 at the last check.

Salty Caramel

It got a bit melted - but still delicious!

My Tea Ceremony Lesson

Last week I was invited by one of my favourite students to accompany here to a tea ceremony. For some reason I got it into my head that it would be taking place at a temple and had something to do with the national holiday occurring that day (in retrospect this was a giant leap as it was in fact Marine Day). Any who, it turned out that I was in fact accompanying her and another of my students to their tea ceremony lesson.

Now the tea ceremony is pretty old and very traditional and requires the memorizing of countless steps. I am not going to go into it as that is what Wikipedia and Google are for. On the one occasion that I had attended a tea ceremony – at my school’s cultural festival – I wasn’t made quite aware of what it requires. It was only in the presence of my students and my teachers that I realised who detailed it is.

As a guest I was provided with a fan (that I didn’t use) and entered the tatami room following the teachers lead. I had to bow to the wall hanging, then to a fake flower basket and then to the wall hanging again. I then proceeded to cross the floor in a diagonally before walking towards the area where the host prepares the tea. I bowed/looked at the hot water maker and then bowed/looked at the tea and proceeded to my designated spot with my decorative fan. (I am not sure about whether I was meant to bow or just acknowledge it’s existence but in the end no one, including the tea, was too offended.)

My student, Momoe, then started the tea ceremony. As it was just a practice she wasn’t wearing any of the usually dramatic clothes but I did enjoy the way in which she, and the others, still shuffled kimono style in and out of the room.

Every move for the preparation seemed to have a method. Things had to be picked up with the correct hand and specifically positioned.  Near the end things had to be moved around and placed before being replaced to allow for the placement of something else. At one point the water scoop holder had to be put on a stand so that a bowl could be moved near it so that it could then be put  in the bowl and then put on the stand again exactly far enough so that the host doesn’t have to reach for it.

It really is as bizarre as it sounds. 

At least the consuming of liquids and snackage I managed to get vaguely right. But even just being a guest has its rituals. I was provided with paper on which to place my okashi. It consisted of a wad of sheets folded in half. To use it I had to fold the top sheet backwards so that the fold was facing me. This meant that once I had finished using the chopsticks to pick up my delicious snack I could fold the corner over the chopsticks and wipe them clean.

They were all very impressed when I knew how to turn my bowl clockwise before drink the tea. But that was as far as I got impressing anyone. My only other shining moment was when I managed to eat and hold down the only thing worse than natto in Japan. Not even my students managed. By the time we got to the teachers demonstration we had finished the delicious marshamallow-like, jelly type snacks and she brought out a very traditional, old school version of natto. I didn’t realised there was a stage further in fermentation. I am not sure what it involves but it includes violating it with miso and the result was like eating chocolate beef stock. Momoe didn’t even try it and Kanako was barely able to swallow.

My grasp on the whole process is still as loose as Buta’s suspension but it was fascinating to attend a class. It provided much more incite to exactly how precise the whole business is. Had it just been the usual drink, eat and leave scenario it wouldn’t have been half as informative.

I do suggest you try the tortured natto, it is certainly one to add to the list.

My new flavours...

At least there are new flavours in the world - Strawberry Cranberry and Combination Cola and Lemonade