My Q & A

First off I would like to apologise to my large group of fans for not having posted in a while. To be honest not that much has happened of late and considering it is that phase 2 time of year I have been trying my best not to be too negative.

So on a positive note it was a whole 16 degrees this morning!

Though in all honesty the weather has been amazing. Autumn is still clinging on, despite winter’s best efforts. In fact the weather has been reminding me of the Highveld (and when it rains CT) – clear and cold and sunny. Which doesn't help the homesickness but doesn’t make it worse.

So, while I do love Japan and their postal system, I am having a Phase 2 grump and have compiled a list of the top 3 most disappointing things about this country:

   1. The Sushi
   2. The TV
   3. Technology

The above also happen to be the things I get questioned about the most.   So I have decided to make today question answer day.


Q: So do you eat a lot of sushi? I think if I lived in Japan I would eat sushi everyday.
A: No and no, you wouldn’t.

Sushi in Japan is very different from South African sushi. I would kill for a California roll, or even a hint of avo in my nori. The truth is that most sushi in Japan is actually sashimi. South Africans love the fact that they are so cosmopolitan and LOVE  to go out for sushi. The truth is our sushi is American and pretty timid – a tiny slither* of salmon sandwiched in rice (like a 5 year-old at church between two giant tannies) wrapped seaweed and then drowned in soy sauce. Or, of course, the other Saffer favourite of combining it with copious amounts of avocado. Either way there is very little fish. Few so called “sushi-lovers” order up hard-core sashimi. I know a few brave souls that eat sashimi, but then it is almost always salmon or tuna, which, face it, is soft and delicious.

The sashimi that gets placed in front of me usually consists of a variety of unidentifiable fish. Except for the raw octopus, it’s hard not to recognise the red suckers (and even harder to suck up, chew and swallow). I never knew fish could be crunchy. And if you do go to a conveyor belt restaurant, one in every 20 or so bowls is maki of an identifiable nature. In fact 1 in 5 bowls are not identifiable at all.

This is probably the most frequent and annoying question. I also have this annoying habit of being honest in my answer (see above), which is almost always met with looks of disapproval and a slight hint of “do you know how lucky you are?” This almost always come from the same people that would rather commit seppuku with chopsticks, than have to chew their way through raw octopus.

Call me unappreciative if you wish, but I would kill for a fashion sandwich OD-ing in mayonnaise and avo.


Q: Japanese TV is awesome. Do you watch a lot of TV?
A: No it is not and no I don’t. (Again, looks of shame and disappointment).

Japanese TV is not awesome. Takeshi’s castle may be awesome but Japanese TV doesn’t  equal Takeshi’s Castle. It is also over 20 years old and an excellent example of SABC budgetary powers. Besides I much prefer Most Extreme Elimination Challenge – the comedy dubbed version.

So basically:
Japanese TV ≠ crazy game shows
Japanese TV ≠ anime

A friend, who recently arrived in Japan, was subjected to a torturous month where local Japanese  TV was the only available entertainment (well that and a copy of Twilight, which is like a choice between SABC and Mill’s and Boon)

Japanese local free TV is like the SABC, only with fewer international shows. There are slightly more channels showing a variety of variety shows, historical dramas, adverts and lots and lots of talk shows. They also love to show audience reactions - the preference being something to do with food. My friend saw one that involved some female presenter cooking her favourite dish – from purchase, to boiling and finally consumption. The eating it part being the plucking of the eyeball from the head and scooping out the brains with chopsticks. Still feel like sushi? Oishii yo ne!

There is very little anime on TV, and the game shows are not that exciting. And while I would pay for DSTV in South Africa it is not worth getting satellite here when I have ADSL Telkom can only dream of.


Q: Japanese technology must be awesome. I imagine the gadgets are amazing – and cheap.
A. No. Wrong again.

Technology here is something to behold in its disappointment. Yes there is a lot of it, but it is certainly not cheaper. In fact it is more expensive because almost all of the brands on sale are Japanese. Japanese nationalism says you will not buy international products  - especially anything from China. You will certainly not see a Korean or Chinese car on the road. Friends of mine recently bought a Zojirishi rice cooker. Zojirishi is the Merc of rice cookers. They are pretty expensive. Theirs was a third of the normal price because it was Zojirishi made in China and not Zojirishi made in Japan.

My school still uses floppy discs. One of my school computers is running Windows 7 – the rest run on windows Vista. I had to get permission to use the school projectors with my computer in case I transferred a virus to the projector. Most Japanese people don’t have computers at home and many of them still use dial up Internet. I am pretty sure there are yet undiscovered tribes in the forests of Brazil that have faster ADSL.

My same friend order super high speed ADSL when he arrived here only to find that the hardware provided by the company, as part of the package with the super high speed line, wasn’t even properly equipped to handle the full download speed. 

Japan is not a country I would suggest coming to if you want to buy technology.

My other joy in life is not having Internet banking. By the time I got to the point in my life where I had to pay for stuff, internet banking was up and running. I don’t think I have ever paid rent in any other way. Now, once a month, I have to go to the municipality with my rent slip and pay my rent in person. Every time I have to do a bank transfer I need to ask the only broken English speaker at my bank to help me. Paying off my credit card requires a trip to a store in Beppu to do an ATM deposit. This may seem whiny but just imagine what your life would be like if you didn’t use internet banking for rent, electricity, water, cell phone, DSTV subscription, Telkom, internet, car payments, account payments, bank transfers etc – and no cheating by doing everything at Pick ‘n Pay.

So while it was a bit of a gripe about Japan, it is a still an amazing place and only yesterday I had to catch myself and remind myself what an amazing experience it is. I also wanted to put into perspective that the grass is certainly not always greener, in fact there is very little real grass here because if it is not a rice paddy it is dense spider filled forest.

PS If anyone would like to challenge me to a game of “You’re wrong about the sushi”, I’ll meet you at the local rock pool. Bring your own chopsticks.


*No, that was intentional.